Agrocos Lifestyle magazine.

Rafal Zielinski’s 1987 Valet Girls

Bad acting, really bad hair, a bevy of gratitous boob shots, meat-heads in speedos kdo volal, punk music only an 80’s fan would appreciate, and a cameo of Ron Jeremy - what does all this add up to? A really cheesy 80’s movie entitled Valet Girls.

Typical of 80’s cheese, there isn’t much of a plot - well, really there are about 3 plots that I was able to decipher: one is of Carnation (Mary Kohnert) - a really bad acting southern girl who wants to “share her acting talent” with the world. Too bad she can’t add 2+2 and come up with a single brain cell.

The other is of Lucy (Meri D. Marshall) - a virtually blind punk chick who wants to get a record deal. Luckily for her, she has Sammy (;Tony Cox) watching out for her best interests.

And finally, there is the uber rich Dirk Zebra (;Jack DeLeon) - this movies version of Hugh Hefner, who tries to screw everything in a skirt. Needless to say, this does not bode favorably with his wife.

Sum it all up and you have “Valet Girls” - 2 or so hours of scantily clad chicks parking cars at the posh home of Mr. Zebra, all in the hopes that this gig will help them meet the right people to help them make it big in Hollywood. The only problem is that all these “right” people want is a piece of their asses lined with a line of coke. Throw in some disgruntled shunned male valets, a rather bitter Mrs. Zebra, and a little female plots of revenge, and you actually might find yourself enjoying this prime example of B beauty.

Surprisingly the main character Lucy actually has some really cute songs that she belts out, typical of the 80’s hair/punk sound. Granted she never really amounted to much beyond this movie, but she entertained me nonetheless. Plus seeing the familiar list of “where do I know him/her from?” no name cast mates makes this movie primo for an interesting - albeit lame - game of movie trivia.

Anyone wanna play?